Fare thee well, 2012

2012 was an astonishingly good year for me.  And I say astonishingly not necessarily as an indication of the degree to which it was good (though in some instances that is appropriate) but rather as an indication of how unexpectedly good it was.  For instance, when this year began, I did not expect that it would end with me as a credited Broadway Producer.  So there's that.

Honestly, it came completely out of left field for me, and even while it was happening I was waiting for the other shoe to drop.  When I moved back to Pittsburgh from NYC, I really thought I was leaving the theater behind, professionally, for the foreseeable future.  I suppose in a way I did, it was just made clear to me how my ability to foresee the future is limited at best.  And then I was introduced to Debbie Bisno, and the rest, as they say, is history.  Her offer for me to help raise some money for Annie really changed the game for me in ways that I will not be able to fully appreciate for years to come.  It's still playing out right now, and I have no idea where it's going to land.  I do know for certain that absent Annie there never would have been any Grace for me.  And Grace put me on the map, so to speak.  Yes, I am a tiny blip on the map, but I'm there.  My name is on the poster in front of the Cort Theatre.  I have a (brief) bio in the Playbill and on the show website.  I have an IBDb.com profile (several, in fact, since IBDb considers me to be a unique producer and a part of the non-existant Alex DiClaudio/LaRue-Noy organization).  I've done a talk-back with a famous Hollywood-turned-Broadway producer, Paula Wagner.  I've been asked to meetings by other producers just 'cause they wanted to meet me (no doubt they were disappointed).  There is an outside chance that I'll be Tony-nominated in the next few months (but we're not really thinking about that).  Suddenly instead of being on the outside scratching my head over how to even find the window to look in, I've been ushered inside and told I can roam where I will.  Still no clue where I'm going, but I'm on the other side of the door.  Through the looking glass, as it were.  I even have my own company now.  So for that alone, I'd say that 2012 was my year.
There are other cool career things going on as well that I'm not going to get into here for various reasons, but suffice it to say that I'm more than a one-trick pony.

 On a personal level, 2012 has seen me at least start to get my groove back.  I would be lying if I said I was back to the confidence levels of 2009, but I'm starting to feel like my old self again.  There is much less of a hitch in my giddy-up.  I've been really involved in stuff happening in my community since I've moved home, mainly at the school, and that has really given me a sense of purpose and fulfillment that I think I had been lacking for a while.  I made some new friends in doing so to boot.  Which brings me to another point: in 2012 I realized that the number of friends I have for which there is a mutual feeling of closeness is much lower than I had previously believed, and that that's ok.  I had actually realized that much earlier, in mid-2011, but it wasn't until late this year that I realized that it's ok, and I let go of the resentment I had been harboring.  I hadn't been abandoned by friends.  I had simply found that the common denominator of our "friendship level" was lower than I had believed.  And that's not anyone's fault but my own.  And since accepting that I have gained a lot of peace.  Still kinda lonely, but in a much less angry and bitter way.  And that's definitely a good thing.

The big lesson that I'm taking away from 2012 is to not get too attached to my own plans.  I've made mention of this before, but it's really looming large in my mind.  That's not to say that I'm not making plans, or crafting goals and dreams to follow - quite to the contrary.  I've just embraced the mentality that I should not hesitate to throw out my plans and make new ones if something comes along that changes the game.  It's like the Marines say: "No plan survives first contact."  And that's really liberating.  I'm not even remotely tied down to anything.  If something comes up tomorrow that I wasn't anticipating and it means completely tossing out whatever I thought I was going to do before, you had better believe I'm going to.  In the meantime, I have a course plotted that I'm more or less going to follow, but I'm not going to let it rule me.

I almost feel like a kid again, with so many different things I want to do when I grow up, and no clear idea of what direction I'll take.  And while I used to think that was a bad thing that I needed to get over, I definitely don't anymore.  I wanted to be a Broadway Producer.  Check.  So why not Hollywood?  Why not indeed.  Any reason I can't get involved in TV?  Nope.  I have a couple of ideas for tech start-ups that could be pretty cool, and may pursue if the right opportunity presents itself.  I've always wanted to get involved in politics, so maybe I'll join a campaign, or heck maybe I'll even run for office myself!  Or I could end up going down a path that is completely unanticipated (not to mention that I'm still holding out hope that someone is going to look at me and say I'd be perfect for a role in their next movie.  I would drop everything to act professionally so fast it would make light look slow).

2012 was definitely not all sunshine and roses.  There was a lot of really nasty stuff that happened in the world.  Not much of that (if any) affected me directly, but I'm not without empathy, and I recognize that our world is only becoming more connected, so things that happen that don't seem to affect me really do.  I had some of my own setbacks personally and professionally (and even politically - my track record for Presidential votes is a bleak 0-2).  But I'm not going to dwell on that.  I'm looking ahead to 2013 full of hope and optimism and confidence, secure in the knowledge that whatever happens will be unexpected, and that if I'm open to it there will be ways to make the unexpected good.

I wish you, dear Spackleites, a very happy and healthy New Year!  Keep calm and carry on.